A Hard Decision
Matthew 10:33But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven.
34Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
35For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
36And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
37He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
38And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.
39He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.
The phone rang. It was my mother-in-law. Her mother is in her 80s and Alzheimer's has ravaged her brain & body for the better part of past decade. Recently, she became unable to feed herself and in accordance with her living will, my mother-in-law declined to put in a feeding tube. For the past few weeks, she's been fed baby food by hand. The other day she aspirated it. My mother-in-law, along with various caregivers, decided to admit her to a hospice where despite not being in pain, she'd be "kept comfortable," and the end could be expected within a week or two. My mother in law has faithfully tended her mother. "It was a hard decision," she sighed.
She will be "kept comfortable." Is she in pain, I asked. Not yet, said my mother in law. The clencher? She will be starved and dehydrated to death and juiced up on lots of morphine. I realize that at the end of one's life, it's not uncommon that people are unable to tolerate food and refuse it. But that doesn't seem to be the case here. Not yet anyhow.
Ironically, the eighth commandment ("Thou Shalt Not Kill") is just after "Honor Thy Father and Mother."
But, what about when the lines are blurred? Did the Almighty forget to leave us qualifiers and policy statements with ethical caveats for situations like this one?
"It was a hard decision."
Were these commandments given to us because the right choices are the easy ones to make? Is it ever really easy to refrain from things that we know provoke us to covetousness, lust, or idolatry? Is it easy to honor our parents even when they are dead wrong and we know it?
Pastor Mark Correll recently recommended to the congregation WHISTLEBLOWER, fromWorld Net Daily the current of issue of which examines:
the perverse state of "medical ethics" – where some of the top ethicists espouse some of the most unethical views imaginable. It documents the dangers of "advance directives" or "living wills." And it exposes the scandalous classification of food and water provided by a feeding tube as "medical treatment" – thereby justifying the denial of basic sustenance to patients who had intended to forego "extraordinary measures" like heart-lung machines, but not be denied food.
"It was a hard decision"
I said nothing in a stunned silence.
There have been a few times in the not-so-distant past where my the rubber met the road in my faith in God. I remember choosing not to abort Fairlie, despite the prognosis of almost certain death for me. Our relatives were concerned about my "quality of life" (remember I could barely talk or move half my body) and the undeniable health risks pregnancy poses for me, and were supportive when "they" said to abort. (The same "they", I'm sure, who would assure my mother in law that death by starvation and dehydration will be "peaceful".)
A hard decision, indeed.
"I know you feel differently, Anne," was my mother-in-law's response to my silence, as if she'd announced that she decided we would go see Dumbo instead of Bambi at the Friday matinee, or she was planning to make turkey tetrazzini when I was planning spaghetti.
The problem here is that we as a country, and as churches are not training our flocks or our children in a biblical worldview. Life is no longer seen as created by and taken by the Creator but something to be valued only in its "quality". Thus, the commandments of God not to take life are mired on both the beginning and the end of life ends with many shades of grey.
And Christians are falling for it hook, line, and sinker.
Posted by greasy joan at 6/15/2005
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8 Comments:
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Donna Boucher said...
I am just learning that this is not uncommon.
8:59 PM
I think it is so wrong.
Man casting himself in the role of God. It gently starts with birth control doesn't it.
Oh, no churches don't want to teach against that. But it leads Christians to believe that they are in control and it sure takes the true focus off the ONE who really is in control.
Such a prideful creature we are.
Yet created in God's own image.
It's very deep and certainly not easy to grasp.
Donna
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- Brad Todd said...
Do you suppose we're in the end times? It sure must be, God didn't wire us to be dealing with "God decisions" when we do it, no one wins. It's a sad day we live in, He never promised us it would be easy, but thank God for His grace..
12:14 AM
Just to lighten up things a bit.
You’re it!
You’ve just been tagged in a meme game on books!
Just click over to my blog for details. We’re all anxious to read what you’re reading in the way of books. This meme got me thinking, I think you’ll get a kick out of it..
God bless you,
Brad at Fundamentally Right
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Kate said...
This is a heartbreaking subject to me. I sometimes long for the days when we had our loved ones at home and cared for them until they passed - naturally albeit sometimes painfully. If I have to pass with pain, I do not want to be drugged. I want to have all the time I can with those I love. What do we miss by covering up the pain? I have to wonder if some people miss a great deal.
4:09 PM
I miss your posts and hope you are well.
Warmly,
Kate
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The woman Anne is referring to is my best friend and I am furious over this commentary. No one gave better, loving, or compassionate care to their mother than Anne's mother-in-law gave to her mother. She is to be commended, not raked over the coals because she followed her mother's wishes. She did "Honor her Mother and Father" by following their wishes. If this person had bothered to check her facts, she will find out that starvation is NOT what takes them when the feeding tube is removed. The death was a peaceful death. I only hope my children have the COURAGE that this woman and her brother displayed when they had to follow their mother's wishes. I also believe if she wants to throw out bible quotes she needs to read the part about Do not judge lest ye be judged. Without the excellent care her mother received, God's intervention would have long ago came into play and this sweet, sweet woman would not have lived nearly as long as she did. Life is about choices, sometimes they are tough ones. I am appalled that Anne would write something like this about her Mother-in-Law in her time of grief, in essence, blaming her for her Mother's death....shame on you!!!!! Pat Gregg-friend of your mother-in-law.
8:19 AM
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I have a friend who had to make this same decision a few months ago for her 101 year old grandmother. She was aspirating food, they couldn't put a feeding tube down her throat, they couldn't put one down her nose due to a tumor blocking her sinus cavity and at 101 she couldn't have a surgery to put a feeding tube into her stomach. My friend still insisted that she be fed something - pudding, ice cream, something, and to keep giving her water or wetting her mouth with ice chips or a wet cloth, but the doctors told her that if she aspirated they would have to stop. The food wasn't going into her stomach at all. She passed away in March. It was very hard for her to see and deal with but she also knew there was nothing more that could be done medically.
4:53 PMI do applaud your decision not to abort your child after your stroke. I would have made the same decision in your case.
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